Forced to slow down

Everybody always told me that being a full time working mom would be hard, but I had no idea just how hard! I feel like I am always being pulled in so many diffrent directions, trying to keep everyone happy and taken care of, but in my heart I only want to take care of one person...Sawyer. I want to devote all my time and attention to his every need and desire but I often times find myself focusing on other things first. Last week the Lord blessed me by allowing Sawyer to catch an illness that lasted a full week. No you did not read that wrong, I said He BLESSED me by allowing Sawyer to be sick. Now don't get me wrong, I never want my child to feel bad and I hate not being able to take his pain away. But, the blessing came in the fact that I was forced to stop what was going on in the rest of my world and focus on my little love. In fact, the first morning that he was so sick I set my phone in the other room and just held him all morning long. No emails, no work calls, no texts, no worrying about if everyone is where they need to be and doing what they need to do...just snuggle time with Sawyer. Even though he was sick, it was probably the best morning ever! He needed me and I needed to be there for him and I am so thankful to the Lord for giving us that time. While I am being completely honest, I must say that my heart has never longed for being a stay at home mom more than it did last week. Other than that morning, I spent most of the week juggling trying to get work done that had to be done, take care of my little boy that had to be taken care of, and feeling guilty every moment I was working (because I wasn't with Sawyer) and every moment I was with Sawyer (because I wasn't working). By Friday I was so ready for him to feel better just so I could get our lives back in a routine and not feel that guilt anymore. But I was wrong, the guilt never goes away. Every morning that I drop him off I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I am paying someone else to do MY job. I am paying someone else to teach, love, and take care of my child. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. That is what is on my mind today. I pray every day that the Lord will help me through these feelings and either make it an option to stay home more, or change my heart to handle my current situation better. I have faith and trust that He will get me through this time in my life. It is a WONDERFUL time!!! I wouldn't trade it for anything, just have moments where life gets a little overwhelming. This too shall pass. Thanks for listening!